Just getting a feel for how people comment and respond to my story. Go head and critique and comment as much as you want about it for my feedback.
The thick muggy air filled Jace’s lungs with a sludgy putrid smell of rot and death. The sounds around his ears gnawed at his every thought while trying to drown out the buzzes of insects. With a deep sigh Jace pushed through the knee-high water with the tip of his sword leading the way. Jace darted his eyes back and forth to try and spot any danger within the stagnant water.
The sloshy sounds of water rippling along the top with each step until a new smell hit Jace’s senses. His hand tightening around the hilt of the sword while letting his eyes adjust to the dim light that pierced through the thick fog. Breathing slowly with the rise and fall of his chest was the only movement Jace dare attempt while trying to figure out the source of the new smell. A soft split splat, split spat, sound crept closer and closer. Turning towards the sound Jace saw the water around him seem to ripple as if something rushed underneath it.
“Damn, I don’t have time for…” Jace’s inner thoughts were jarred apart when his left leg felt something warm wrap around his calf and pull hard. His right leg jumped forward to help keep the balance while he pushed the tip of his sword down into the murky water to try and cut off what ever had grabbed him. A soft laugh escaped the water surface with a hint of enjoyment. “Don…don’t do that, that tickles”, came the high pitched voice of a girl.
Jace stopped and used the sword as leverage to correct himself and replant his feet underneath to keep from falling. “Show yourself mons…”, as the sudden green murk of the water seemed to lift up in front of his eyes. The shimmer in her face kept him from spitting out that last part of that word, being caught by a lump in his throat.
Jace let his fingers grip tightly around the hilt of his sword while the figure rose up from the water. The new smell seemed to waft off her body and replace the swamps putridness with that of a summer rain. The shape filled the form of a beautiful girl, the low light barely piercing from her front to back, but still allowed the perceptibility that she was translucent. Almost a perfect hourglass body from hips to chest left little to envision. The movements of her arms rose up and crossed against her chest like a girl caught in the shower.
“You got a lot of nerve stepping on me mister,” her voice squeaked as a little mouse. The long lush outline of hair seemed to flow like waterfalls behind her shoulders and down the center of her back. “I have half a mind to just melt you where you stand.” Jace blinked a few times before steading himself and raising his chin up while shifting the sword down and to the side. “Miss, wading through this water makes it hard to see what’s underneath, I mean you know harm.”
Her lower body below the knee seemed to spread outward along the top of the water and Jace wasn’t sure if she was standing on legs or floating along the top. Jace let his eyes explored her body just a moment before setting on her face. She seemed to notice the look and smiled. “Oh, you think I’m just going to let you get away with some kind of apology like that”, she moved one arm around to keep her chest covered atop where her nipples lay; even if Jace was unsure they would be visible with lack of different pigments. The slime girls other hand moved on her hip tapping her fingers there a few times while she thought. “I know, I’m hungry and could do for a meal.”
Jace knew little about slimes and even less about the ones that developed into humanoids. Tales of how they were toxic with powerful acids left little to the mind of what a Slime would eat. Jace just wanted to get through this swamp but was now impeded by this girl. His hand still grasped the sword tightly while he looked her in the eyes, “I don’t have much food on me but we can work something out.”
The look she gave him caused Jace to lift an eyebrow of confusion when she seemed to brighten up and smile. “Oh yes, yes, I haven’t tasted human before, its probable much better then frogs and slugs.” Jace didn’t mind a bit of frog legs, but slugs turned his stomach a little on that thought. Unsure what was happening Jace turned to shift the small sack he carried supplies in off his shoulders. “Some travel bread doesn’t taste that ba….”
Jace’s voice was taken aback when the slime girl darted forward and pushed herself against him. As if a warm wash of water splashing up to him, Jace felt her lips nudge along his own lips. The taste of her mouth seemed to remind Jace of pine needle tea while her tongue pushed inside and begin to playful rub Jace’s tongue.
The kiss, long and sweet, felt incredible until the need to breath outweighed the desires surging through Jace’s mind. Pulling his head back was the first struggle Jace encountered the slime girl leaning forward preventing her soft wet lips from breaking the seal that was formed over Jace’s mouth. The need to survive pushed Jace to a quick decision and forced action he had not planned on using.
Jace reached into the bag that was hanging from his shoulder and managed to let his fingers wrap around a small pouch next to the food. Quickly he pulled it up and slammed the pouch into the body of the slime girl and up into her throat area. The feeling of her warm slime seemed to stick and coat along Jace’s arm while pushing it further into the slime girl. A tight squeeze of the bag burst the content and a sudden shriek and coughing spout erupted from her neck as the package of salt spread out inside.
The slime girl pulled away from Jace as he gasped for air. Jace could see long slimy trails leading from parts of his body to her hanging between the two. Jace watched her for a moment while she spit out the last bit of salt and looked up at him with a stern scour. “What did you do that for, I was only trying to get you ready so I could get the good stuff,” she managed to mumble through a few spits. The slime girl reached up and seemed to push her own hands through her face and jaw up to help brush out bits of salt from her throat and mouth.
Jace reached up and wiped the left-over slime from around his mouth and sighed, “You forget I needed to breath?” The slime girls’ eyes seemed to soften and go into thought for a moment before that look of realization set in and she almost blushed a new yellow around her cheeks. “Oh. Oh no, I forgot”, her voice squeaked out. She almost seemed to tear up and sniff a bit while she raised a hand to her eye, “you must hate me now.” The girl let out a soft mummer as if about to start sobbing.
Jace wasn’t sure what was going on, but so far this girl didn’t match anything along the lines of a normal slime monster, let alone a normal girl. Almost clear color drops of water started to run down her cheek. Jace simply stood there, dumb founded, as the thoughts of her kiss lingered in his mind. Slowly he reached to her and put his hand on her shoulder, “No, I don’t, I just have to breath Ok.” The way her face seemed to soften and brighten put a smile to Jace’s own face.
Her hand reached over to his shoulder and slowly traced it down along the muscles. “I…I’ve never feed from a human before so I was kind of just guessing on how to get you ready.” Slowly the slime girls body slide a little closer to Jace and his heart seemed to skip a beat looking down at her now. Pressing her slick mounds up against Jace made other parts of him seem to stir as well.
This time Jace reached a hand to her chin and lifted it a bit while leaning towards her. “I may not know much about your kind, but I did like the kiss.” Jace then let his lips press against her gentle while her arms slowly wrapped about him. This time the kiss was more reserved and gentle leaving Jace with plenty of chances to breath.
Jace could feel her fingers run down his back to the edge of his pants. The pressure he was feeling of mixed emotions and lust fogged away any real thoughts from his mind. Jace simple reached down and helped undo the claps that held his pants up and with a soft splash they lowered into the dank water around his legs. The slime girl broke the kiss and pulled away enough to see Jace’s manhood and slowly let one hand, smearing slim across his hips while it moved, wrap her delicate fingers around the member. “Its, different from what I expected”, the slime girl said. Her body seemed to slowly lower into the water where she was now eye level with Jace’s unit.
Without a word Jace observed the girl open her mouth and push the tip of it deep pass her green lips. The feeling was warm but far different then a normal girl. Every part of his member was being massaged and touched as it slides all the way to where her cute nose pressed against his belly; a bit of slime sticking to the bare skin. As Jace watched the slime girl devour himself fully she seemed to glance up at him with a satisfying smile on her lips before she started to slide him back out.
Jace’s body was going rigid and wondered if maybe he had passed out and was dreaming. One of Jace’s hand came up to rest gentle along the back of the slime girls head as he felt her bob back down onto him fully and began a sweet smooth rhythm back and forth bringing him closer to the edge. The slime girl’s chest floating just above the water and would brush up against his thighs with every deep plunge she would take to fill her mouth from Jace’s manhood. Jace could see his shaft through the shimmer and wave of her translucent face.
Time superficial stood still around the two of them, Jace felt the build up near its finish and slowly tapped the back of her head to let her know he was there. The slime girl’s response was simple to push him as deep as she could and let her tongue rub along the bottom of his shaft to help release him inside her. Her hands wrapping around his hips to hold him close.
The feeling was intense as Jace start to shoot himself out, moaning softly. Thick gushes of white cum coating the inside of her throat visible through her soft green hue. Jace watched it start to slide down further towards where her stomach would normally be located. Feeling the slime girl’s tongue rubbing back and forth to help drain out every drop.
A sudden pressure of sucking came across his sensitive skin before her lips finally let him fall out of her mouth. A satisfying “Ahhhh” escaped her while she smiles like a kid finishing a big glass of warm milk. The slime girls body rose up out of the water to her normal height. Jace could watched the white filling float around in her belly before looking up to her eyes. The slime girl said, “That was so good, I did not know it would taste like that” while rubbing her belly in fulfilment.
Jace reached down and pulled up the sopping wet pants and re-fastened the clasp, kind of regretting not being on dry land to do this. “Thank you as well, I guess.” Jace said with an equally satisfying smile on his own face. The slime girl then pushed what appeared to be a bit of slime hair from in front of her eyes to behind her ear. “So, where are you head to now”, she asked. Jace repositioned himself and reset his pack. “North for now, I’m hoping to make it to the town of Rosh-Fera before night.”
The slime girl nodded and pointed in the direction he was heading. “You should make it to the edge of the swamp in about an hour and there is a road not far, take it north to the town….”, she suddenly reached a hand up and twisted some of her slime hair in her finger. “If you return this way I hope we can share a meal together again.” Jace swallowed a bit and nodded. “I…would like that very much.”
Jace felt the fog envelope him just as he move further away. Jace looked over his shoulder to see the slime girl waving good-bye, knowing he would not forget this day.