Tanuj moves into the same complex in which Neil stays. He works hard and gets his mother treated. He drops hints but Neil misunderstands him. How far will Tanuj go for love? This story and its parts are completely work of fiction. Resemblance of any character to any person in real life is purely a coincident. The story is not intended to hurt anyone's sentiment, and I appologise sincerely if it happened unintentionally.
Tanuj Rao :-
After discharge, Sweetpea took me to his apartment. The Sinhas had a smaller apartment in an adjacent tower of the same complex, and it was decided that they will rent it to me. For the first time I felt secured in Mumbai. I had a job, I had a place to live, and now I could think of bringing Aai from Nagpur. But first I had to talk to Mr. & Mrs. Sinha, who had invited me for lunch.
As I stepped into their apartment, I realised it's not an apartment, but a penthouse on the 36th floor. As I walked in, I realised that the room we had discussed our payment with Neil was in fact his office, a very heterodox one though.
The door behind the single couch on which Neil sat the last time opened into a huge well furnished living space, which was huge enough to accommodate two like my Ajji-Ajoba's house. A balcony afforded the bird's eye view of the township and had luxurious seating arrangement. There was a bedroom, a common bathroom, a store room and a kitchen cum dining hall with a twenty seater dining table.
A spiral fleet of stairs from the living hall lead to the upper floor, which had two bedrooms, a master bedroom, a prayer room and a study cum library. Another fleet of stares led to the terrace with garden.
As I walked into the living hall after removing my shoes outside, I was greeted by the sight of Sweetpea's parents seated on a sofa. No wonder Neil got his aristocratic features from his parents. He had his mother's complexion, eyes and nose and his father's high cheek bones, brows and lips. Both were charming and had uncompromising personality. The fact that they were highly educated, successful, gentle and courteous reflected from their demeanour.
While a very handsome Mr. Sinha was clad in grey three-piece business suit with a white shirt and a grey tie, Mrs. Sinha looked gorgeous in her yellow cotton saree, a white full-sleeved blouse and minimal jewelry.
Mr. Sinha had thick mustache and wore spectacles. He was bigger than Neil and had a streak of grey hair against jet black, that complemented his yellow complexion.
Mrs. Sinha was a tall woman with bronze complexion and long jet black hair combed and tied in a low bun. Her forehead bore a big red bindi and a pinch of vermilion on her parting. Her jewelry included a pair of conch shell bangles worn by Bengali married women, a Goddess pendant, a nose pin and gold ear studs.
Neil's younger brother Neilesh was there as well.
I felt nervous as I had never talked to the administrators of the society. I was scared like hell.
Fortunate for me, Neil was by my side. He said "Meet my parents, Mr. Neiladri Sinha and Mrs. Damini Sinha."
I joined my hands in a humble Namaste and bowed to them. But then it struck me. I looked at Sweetpea with curious eyes. Maybe Mr. & Mrs. Sinha sensed it and Mr. Sinha reciprocated my Namaste spoke "I am Mr.Neiladri Sinha."
Mrs. Sinha was about to greet me, when Neil spoke "I am Mr. Neiladri Sinha too."
Mr. Sinha said "But you are Neiladri Junior."
Sweetpea replied "and you are Neiladri Senior."
Mr. Sinha chuckled. Neil chuckled the same way as his father. With this, we all burst into laughter.
A happy family. I wish my family was like this. A family where parents and elder brother are noble and the role models for the youngest child. Neilesh was so lucky.
Mrs. Sinha reciprocated my Nameste too and said with a dimpled smile "I am Mrs. Damini Sinha. Please have a seat."
I sat on a Sofa and so did Neil. We chatted for sometime as a servant brought refreshments.
I realised that Neil's parents were store house of knowledge and advanced. I was nothing before them.
Lunch was served at 12 and consisted of Bengali and Odia delicacies. Afterwards, Neil showed me their other apartment at the first floor of another tower. It wasn't as huge as the penthouse Neil lived in, but it was huge nevertheless and had three bedrooms, a common bathroom, a balcony, a kitchen and a living cum dining hall and basic furniture.
Oh my God! I had lunch with the Highest Rank holders of IAS and IPS, and they were people like you and me.
It was decided that they would rent me the 3 bhk apartment and it would be deduced from my payment. Neil was anyways paying me a huge amount and deduction of the rent wasn't an issue.
Every evening after Neil would return from college, I would hangout with him and Neilesh. We would play cricket, go to movies, go for drives etc. For the first time I was enjoying life; for the first time I was living and not just surviving. But there was something strange about Neilesh. He didn't behave like a 'normal' 14 year old; he was childish.
Around the same time I went to Nagpur for a couple of days and brought Aai along with me. At Neil's insistence, Aai pressurised me to continue my studies even after six months of gap. Neil was now my best friend, and I hoped to find my first and only dream boyfriend in him someday.
A month later Sinhas returned to Delhi. We were scheduled to start shooting for our first Feluda story "Emperor's Ring" the following day, where I would be essaying the role of Topshe, Feluda's teenage cousin. I had to do a lot of homework for my earlier role. But I had decided to mould my new character on Neilesh, who gets dominated by his elder brother.
To discuss the schedule I went to Neil's and he greeted me joyously. We were in his study, sipping on iced tea. At times, Sweetpea would appear lost, with his face totally blank. Something was bothering him.
I asked "Are you okay?"
Neil didn't respond.
"Neil!" I touched his left shoulder.
He turned to me with a fake smile and said "I am fine. So lunchtime would be......"
I silenced him by putting my right index finger on his lips. "I thought I was your friend."
Neil's face fell, his eyes reflecting the pain he felt within. I was taken aback.
He gently moved my hand away and said "The Neiladri Sinha Jr. the world knows is a tough guy, an achiever and a rock star. But the real Neiladri Sinha Jr. is a loser." Neil was pouring his heart to me.
He rose from his seat and pulled off his black tee. Here he was, only in his navy blue joggers. He had a toned muscular chest and six pack abs that showed even without straining, and a V line that went into his joggers and perhaps ended at his cock. It was a great sight to behold.
But then he turned his back to me and I was shocked. No doubt it was a powerful back, but there were scars across it. Lashes, as if someone has lashed him with a whip.
"I always boast 'Neiladri Sinha makes his own way and strides on it'. But all my decisions are not correct. Once someone innocent had to pay for it."
He paused for a while and continued "Long ago I had decided to distance myself from my parents, because they loved Neilesh more than me; or so I thought."
Then pointing towards a giant portrait of an aristocratic old lady, he said "My parents never had time for me, the didn't had time for my grandmother either. We were both lonely, and found our world in each other."
Neil wiped a tear from the corner of his right eye and continued "Baba is Thammi's only issue, concived after years of prayers to The Mother Goddess. Thakurda (Bengali word for paternal grandfather) was Squadron leader in Airforce. In 1965 he went to war and never returned. The same year, Baba was born, and Thammi's world revolved around him. She was a journalist and struggled a lot to save our ancestral heritage, which was descending in utter disdain in absence of a patron. She raised Baba alone and helped him stand on his feet. But then Baba went for work, met Ma there, got married and Ma-Baba devoted their time making money for securing our future. They didn't realise that in the process they had left Thammi alone. So when I was born, Thammi rediscovered her only son in me."
He now turned to a family portrait, depicting the Sinhas including Neil's grandmother. He said
"I always longed for my parents' attention. I wanted Baba to play cricket with me, teach me ride bicycle and help me with my homework. I wanted Ma to feed me a morsel of her simple steamed rice & fish curry with her own hand, sing me lullaby at bed, bring me chocolates and nurse me when sick. But they were always occupied with Neilesh, as if I never existed."
He touched his grandmother's portrait and said
"Ma-Baba neglected me. But I wasn't left to be alone. Thammi was there. She was my Ma, she was my Baba. She cared for me, got everything I expected from my parents. Then one day, she died. I was left alone. Instinctively, I turned to my parents. But they ignored me and continued to care for Neilu."
Neil turned towards me, every muscle of his chiseled torso stiffening.
"And then rage entered me. Pure, unadulterated rage. Neilu was responsible for my misery; this is what I thought. So I decided to take him out of the equation."
His eyes lit up in anger.
"We were staying in Shillong back then. The bungalow we lived in was near Ward's lake. So I took Neilu to the lake and drowned him."
This was really shocking.
"As I held Neilu's head under water, I felt good. I was a rebel, he was obedient. Why he had to be better than me? He flayed his limbs for a breath of dear life; but I didn't let him. I held him until he stopped moving. The guards had seen everything and rushed Neilu to hospital. The news was sent to my parents' respective offices, and they rushed to the hospital. Neilu survived, but lack of oxygen supply effected his brain. That night my mother whipped me with my father's leather belt, I had attempted to murder my brother after all. These scars are the reminder of the crime I had committed."
Neil turned back to the family portrait and continued "Baba couldn't take it anymore and locked Ma in their bedroom. He asked me why did I do so, and I told him how much I hated Neilu for snatching away everything that was rightfully mine first."
Then looking into my eyes, he said
"But than Baba told me why did they care for Neilu more. I was born healthy, was never physically weak. But Neilu was. He had a hole in his heart."
My jaw dropped in utter shock.
"That was the night of realisation. My parents realised how their neglect had affected me for worse, and I realised how I had unjustly punished my kid brother, who was innocent all along. Something snapped in me that night."
Tears of vulnerability poured down his face.
"My parents reconciled with me. They forgave me; but I couldn't."
Sitting back on his chair, Neil continued "By the grace of The Mother Goddess, Neilu's cardiac surgery was successful. But what I did with him, slowed his mental growth. He is 14 physically, but 10 mentally. This will continue till his 21st birthday."
He paused for a moment, covered his face with his palms, and spoke "To punish myself for what I did with my innocent brother, who is pure as a bud of white lotus, I banished myself from my family and am on a self-imposed exile."
He rose and went back to the family portrait. Touching the visage of a 5 year old Neilesh, he said "The day Neilu gets mature enough to understand what I did to him and forgives me, only then I'll be redeemed."
He walked to the window, the moonlight falling on him.
"The reason I created this show is Neilu. He loves these stories, and I am trying to do something for him. This is my penance."
I walked up to him and touched the scars gently.
"I love my family. I miss them. I miss Baba's affection, Ma's discipline and seeing my kid brother grow up. But I can't let Neilu's culprit go unpunished. But what can I do, I am Neilu's culprit and yet I feel so lonely."
I felt sorry for Sweetpea. He has suffered a lot. A tear fell on his back from my eye. He turned to me as I turned away my face to hide my tears.
He held my chin gently and turned me to him. Our eyes locked.
"You are not alone Neil. As long as I am there, you are not alone." I said.
He closed his eyes as tears flowed down. He put his left hand on my hip and his right on my left cheek, leaned forward, and our lips met; this time for real. I was shocked first, but then reciprocated.
I was sharing my first kiss with my first love. His lips parted and sucked on my upper lip. Our tongues met and wrapped around one another.
I felt his hands move up and explore my back. My neck hurt from tilting my head up. His strong arms wrapped around me as he lifted me off the ground. We kissed some more, exploring each other's mouths, and then he pulled back, with our lips joined by a trail of saliva. He opened his eyes slowly and the first thing he saw were my blue eyes.
He put me down suddenly and turned away. I hugged him from behind and began to kiss his scars gently. He jerked his back to brush me off and said "I am extremely sorry. I didn't intend to force myself on you."
I held Neil's shoulder and turned him slowly towards me.
"You can never hurt me."
I cupped his right hand with my both and brought them to my chest.
"Feel my heart Neil, it beats just for you."
Then I brought his hands to my lips, kissed them and held it to Neil's chest.
"My heart now belongs to you. I belong to you."
Neil didn't say anything. He kept staring into my blue eyes dumbfounded.
I said "I love you Sweetpea." as my eyes welled up with tears of ecstasy.
Neil pulled away his hands, wiped my tears with his right and said
"I don't know what to say."
I stepped back and said "I'll wait for you my whole life".
I took another step behind, turned to the door and ran out. I climbed down the stairs, passed through the living hall and got out of Neil's home. As I descended down the elevator, I thought "Was it real?" I replayed the moment when I had my first kiss. It was overwhelming, and grinning from ear to ear.
As I entered my bedroom, I saw moonlight illuminating it. I moved to the window and glanced at the full moon. I thought I saw Sweetpea's handsome face in the moon. It reminded me of his taut body bathed in moonlight, and every muscle jumping at my light touch. My cock stood up and screamed for release. I closed my eyes and replayed the moment when my first love kissed me. The heaving of his chest as he breathed in and out, the feeling of his hands caressing my back and wrapping his arms around me and sweeping me off the floor were so provocative.
And then I shot my biggest load in my pants till then, without even touching my cock.
Have I lost my mind, or is it like I am the only sane person and everyone around are crazy?
I needed a hot shower. I stripped off, hopped into the shower, closed my eyes and pondered as drops of hot water cleansed my bronze skin.
My family left for New Delhi this afternoon and as always, I was down, missing them terribly.
But then Tanuj came and I blurted out to him the horror I had committed 6 years ago. It was too late when I realised that my parents were right to give my brother more attention, he needs them more than me.
But why did I share something so confidential to Tanuj, who is a total stranger?
Smita is my best friend, and yet I never confided something so intimate to her. Then why Tanuj? Was he special to me? More than Smita? And why wasn't I referring him as a "kid" anymore?
It was I who kissed him, but why? My first kiss had to be special, with that special person with whom I would spend rest of my life. Was Tanuj that special person, or was I not that mature after all as I thought myself to be?
It felt good when our tongues met, when I held him close to me. It was an altogether different experience. I felt so complete. I felt as if I have never been alone. The love that Thammi, Ma and Baba showered on me, I felt as if the same unconditional love and affection was being directed towards me. But why? Who was Tanuj to me?
When he gently kissed the scars on my back, when he lightly caressed them, it soothed me; like the first drops of monsoon on the desert. But wait, I have been touched by a lot of girls that way, but I never felt touched. All I felt was an animalistic urge to deepthroat them and glaze their plastic faces with my cum. Was I in love?
When Tanuj held my hand to his chest, I felt his heart beat go faster. It was an experience I am unable to describe with words.
When he kissed my hand with those tender set of lips, I felt as if all the poison in me was being sucked out.
When he held our hands to my chest, I could hear a Sanskrit wedding Mantra in my brain, which translates into "My heart beats for you, and from this day it belongs to you." Was Tanuj my future?
Was I gay? I always thought myself as an asexual, saving himself for his true love.
I have been with girls earlier, but I always felt something was wrong. I thought it was the age difference; they were older to me. But after what happened between me and Tanuj, I am compelled to question my former conviction. Maybe it was never the age gap; maybe I was gay from the very beginning. Maybe whatever happened with me till date was a part of Kismet's conspiracy, that wanted to unite me and Tanuj. Maybe. I wasn't sure.
But I was sure about one thing. I felt something sting my foot.
As I opened my eyes, rage entered me.
"Don't worry. There's nothing like you're thinking."
This is what Tanuj said. He lied to me, and I wanted my answers.
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September (a month later)
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Tanuj Rao :-
The venue was a seven star hotel in suburban Mumbai. A poolside party was raging on the terrace, a wedding reception party, of Smita and her husband Rajiv. We were all invited, including Sweetpea and me.
It has been a month since I expressed my feelings to Neil. I expected the equation between us to change; it did change, but for worse.
The following day was the first and as usual, Neil arrived from a temple, this time in a blue Kurta and black jeans.
I was rehearsing my lines when I saw Neil talking to Mrinal, our assistant director. I waved to him and he turned to me. I smiled, but he didn't. He took his aviators off, gave me a blank stare, raised his right brow, stroked his back-brushed bangs to the right and walked away.
"Is he ignoring me?" I thought, but then brushed it aside and got back to my lines. Throughout the day, Neil didn't utter a word except while directing the scenes. During lunchtime, he kept talked to Smita and Mrinal only, ignoring my very presence. After pack up, he got into his Land Rover and sped off. I tried calling him, but he didn't respond.
The next day we had outdoor shoot in the outskirts of Mumbai for some night scenes. I went to his home and found it locked. He didn't come home whole day.
At night during shoot he ignored me the same way as last day.
After pack up, I waited in the parking lot to catch him up. He walked past me and went to his SUV. I followed him and said, "Neil, we need to talk."
Neil ignored me and turned to his driver.
"Keys." he said, extending his hand.
The driver handed him keys and asked "What happened sir?"
Neil took a 1000 Rupee note and handed it to the driver.
"Go home. I'll go on my own."
"But sir...." started the driver. But Neil gave him a weathering glare.
"You want more?" asked Neil, took out 1000 Rupees and tossed it on the driver's face. He was pissed off. Was it because of me?
The driver handed him keys and stepped away. Neil took the driving seat, lowered the glass to me and said "Hop in."
I took the passenger's seat to Neil's left and closed the door. Neil hit the gas and sped off to the highway. He said "Speak."
I leaned forward, kissed his left cheek, put my head on his left shoulder and said "Thank God! I do exist to you. I missed you so much baby! I thought you were angry after what happened on Sunday evening."
Neil kept looking beyond the wind shield.
I raised my head, kissed him on cheek again and said "Baby I was thinking we should have dinner together. What do you say?"
Neil didn't respond this time either. I asked "Sweetpea are you okay?"
He turned to me this time and glared at me with his bloodshot eyes.
And the Hell broke. Neil increased the speed up to 120, 130 and finally 150. I was scared now.
"Baby please slow down!" I said.
Neil smirked and said "You love me, right? Let's die together."
"Baby I am scared. Please slow down!" I pleaded, but Neil didn't stop. He kept glaring at me with that wicked smirk.
"Please Neil I don't want to die! Please baby stop this madness!" But Neil barred his teeth and chuckled.
The SUV moved fast and was about to hit the rear of a pickup truck. I closed my eyes in fear. But in the nick of time Neil turned left, overtook the truck and hit the brakes.
I heard Neil disembark. He pulled me out and closed the door behind me. Then pinning me to the door, he leaned forward and kissed me deep. But this was nothing like our first kiss. It was brutal. Neil bit my upper lip hard, and I bled. I pushed him back, but he turned me around and held my right hand behind me, twisting my wrist. With his left, he pinned me against the SUV.
I moaned in pain and said "Baby you're hurting me!"
Neil brought his mouth to my left ear and screamed "NO YOU'RE HURTING ME!"
He then turned me around and gripped my arms tightly in his bare paws.
"I thought you love me genuinely. But I was wrong. You were simply playing with my emotions." Said Neil as tears poured down his enraged face.
"In hospital you said you don't love me, and on Sunday evening you fell for me all of a sudden?" He said as he released me. I cried in pain.
He wiped his tears and said while pointing his right index finger at me menacingly.
"Either you were lying in hospital, or you were lying to me on Sunday. But in either case, you lied to me. And then you tried to take advantage of me when I was emotionally vulnerable. You broke my trust dammit!"
I couldn't believe my ears. I tried to explain "Baby, I didn't want to freak you out! I lied so that you don't hate me. And my love for you is genuine. I know you too feel for me the same way I do."
Neil now grabbed me by my throat and lifted me off the ground, with my legs dangling.
He said "A relation based on lies doesn't last. And I don't believe a single word uttered by you. From the very beginning you have been lying to me. But listen carefully Mr. Tanuj Rao, Neiladri Sinha is the wrong person to play mind games with."
He let go of my throat and I lost my balance. My knees were wobbly.
Neil stooped to me, cupped my face in his hands and said as his eyes welled up with tears "It's over. There was nothing between us."
I was stunned to silence.
Neil got into the SUV. I heard him sob a couple of times and then he drove away.
I rose to my feet, took a bus and reached home at 2 am. I skipped my meal and went to my bedroom. I stripped off and took a look at myself in mirror. There was a tiny cut on my upper lip and impressions of Neil's fingers around my throat, upper arms and right wrist.
I turned on the shower and soaped myself thoroughly, trying to rub off those marks which reminded me of the night when Neil and my heart broke. I lied to him, he misunderstood me. I could do nothing but collapse on the bathroom floor and cry inconsolably.
The next day I found Neil drunk and passed out in his SUV. He was unconscious and I helped him to his bedroom.
Neil changed after that night. He who never touched alcohol drank every time. He didn't shave, didn't laugh or smile. He withdrew into a shell. He grew bitter day by day and would flirt with girls whenever I was around. Sometimes later I came to know he was taking some therapy to quit drinking.
But the final blow came upon me when he started dating Smita's younger sister Aisha. I knew her, as she was in my class. When I wasn't acting, I was a schoolboy studying in 10th standard. Aisha was mean, slutty and popular, total opposite of Smita. She had a habit of seducing rich boys to her bedroom and extract money and gifts from them. And now she was after Neil.
As I snapped back to the present, I saw the poolside reception party on its full swing. Smita looked lovely in her bridal lehenga and her husband was a dashing guy. But what stole my eye was Neil, clad in a royal blue tux. He was clean shaven after a long duration and was smiling. But my heart sank for two reasons. First, he wasn't enjoying the party. How could he, he never recovered from that fateful night. Second, he had Aisha as his arm candy. The bitch wore a pink western outfit that afforded people a good view of her ample cleavage. It was obvious from Rajiv's face that he was turned on by the sight of the slut of his teenage sister-in-law. Smita too was aware of this and was embarrassed.
As the couples came on the dance floor, I saw Aisha dancing sensuously for Neil, waving her boobs and wiggling her ass. Neil held her waist and they would occasionally slide up to her ass whenever Neil would be facing me. Suddenly he glared at me once, winked and smirked. Then he began to kiss Aisha's neck, licking and biting it sometimes.
So Neil was finally moving on. I was happy for him, if he actually found his true love in Aisha. But my broken heart was too weak to see them unite. I gulped down a bottle of alcohol and then moved to the terrace. I called up Neil, but he ignored twice. At the third time, he received.
"What is it?" asked Neil harshly.
I chuckled and said "I want to meet you for the last time."
"But I don't want to meet you ever."
"You will. If I truly loved you, if you truly loved me even for a moment, you will."
And I hung up.
I had no regrets, except one. From the money I earned, I got Aai's eyes operated and purchased a duplex house ten minutes away from Neil's society. We were not in the economic disdain as before.
I was leaning on the railing when Neil came up behind me and said "Speak." in his commanding tone.
I turned to see his blank face, which contorted into a frown when he saw the bottle of wine in my hand.
I smiled, leaned my head on his chest and said "I knew you will come baby, to bid me goodbye. I am going away from you forever."
Neil stood with his hands in his pockets.
"Nagpur?" He asked.
"No. Far away." I said.
Neil didn't touch me even for once.
"Good. Tonight is special not just for Rajiv and Smita, but also for me and Aisha. I'll fuck her brains out tonight. I would have been a lot happier if you heard Aisha's moans and my humping while I pound her slutty pussy."
I chuckled, as if this was some kind of joke. And then I felt it coming.
"Goodbye Neil." I said.
"Hmm. Good......" Neil stopped as he felt wetness on his white shirt.
He held my shoulders and pushed me back, when he saw blood oozing from my smiling mouth. In a friction of a second, his blank eyes reflected fear and pain of loosing a loved one.
"Tanuj!" he screamed my name as he wrapped his arm around my diminutive shoulder while I collapsed as my knees gave up.
He patted my cheek and said "Don't close your eyes! You have been poisoned!"
As death drew upon me, I whispered to him "I love you Sweetpea! I always have, and I will till my last breath."
Over the din of guests rushing to where I was breathing my last in my love's arms, I heard what I had to before heading for spiritual transmigration "Oh Peaches, I love you too, and I'll snatch you even from death's clutches."
He said this as his eyes welled up with tears. I smiled to him, as darkness took over me.