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Introduction:

Ok so this my first story like this so some criticism is fine but if you make any thing please tell me a way to fix it or I will probably just ignore the comment and I like storylines with sex where it makes sense so I will do just that.
The story starts with an man at the tower of Babel depicted in the bible. This man sat hovering high above the city on shimmering white feather wings as he shouts to the king "you have betrayed me and my purpose I fight for freedom for all kinds but you have enslaved the witches, vampires and werewolf's and if I don't end you and this acursed place you will enslave many more races" at that moment he draws an arrow and as he pulls back the string a bow begins to appear looking of fire and the fire spreads from the bow up his arms, down his back and to his wings and leaves only a dark crimson leathery bat like wings behind and as he releases the arrow he yells angrily. "I will be. Reborn and one day in my next life I will conquer the world by force if necessary to bring peace to the supernatural of the world" and as the arrow explodes on contact with the tower of Babel creating a fireball That engulfs the country leaving nothing but a bird that has been infused with the fires of the blast and the phoenix was born to search for a soul worthy of its power.

Many years later in present day Canada ours "hero" dean is in a room tied up with five men who are "asking" were his friend is hiding. "he is hiding under there" dean said "under were" the first man yelled And dean just laughed In his face and said " haha I just made you say under were. That one definitely never gets old" the first man looked at one of the other men and tells him to refill the jug "yes monkey" and he runs out the back door and dean can hear the water running. "Dean do I really have to water bored you again" monkey sighed " no you can always just stop playing with me but that would be no fun and I'm just starting to enjoy the games you always insists on playing" dean said sarcastically "Ok Ok! Dean just stop acting like a child playing soccer instead of tag!! you are 18 not 10 and this is torcher not soccer." Monkey said getting irritated by deans lack of seriousness at the fact he is being water boarded when dean's only response was " well I I have to say you look more torched then me maybe you can get something if we trade places" just then the man comes in with the jug of water and monkey turns and says John give it to redneck he is going to finish him in going for a smoke" and monkey left so a man who was just sitting off to the side just got up and said "well dean i like you your funny so usually at this point i tell them I'd hate this but I'm going to tell you something I Love This Shit" and before dean could say anything redneck had kicked the chair back and dropped a wet cloth on his face as he started pouring dean just calmly held his breath and then started to gag as he Ran out of air till redneck pulled stopped pouring and dropped a set of jumper cables on the rag for 3 seconds before picking up the rag with the cables and he asked again and dean just started coughing up water that started showing a slight ting of blood as his lungs cleared of water and he was ones again cut off by the 2 men at the door yelling something about an incoming phoenix so redneck just started to yell back that the phoenix doesn't exist when it shot through the door and straight into deans chest leaving a burn that looks like someone gave him a tattoo of a huge bird with wings spanning from arm to arm and feet just above his crotch and the smell of burning flesh filled the room as the men watched as deans the fat on mats body literally burned away taking the ropes with it and dean just sat up dazed when John attacked and dean felt like a doll being moved by an unseen power as he easily sidestepped him and grabbed his head and jerked it back with a snap as John hit the ground and the 2 men who were watching the door pulled out mac 10 smgs and opened fire on dean who took every bullet and by the end the clips was leaning against the wall and to everyone's surprise the bullets began falling from the holes as the holes closed behind them and the men just attacked him and dean again nothing but a doll placed his palms on Their heads and with a blinding flash of light there was an explosion and dean and redneck was blown clear of the shack soon later an deans friends showed up to rescue him and found him unconscious laying in the debris from the shack and brought him home and put him is a bed where he stayed till morning.

The next day when dean awoke groggy and feeling like he was his by a train so he got up took some Advil and walked down the stairs but the pain increases as he came closer to his friends and said "must have been some party Last night i feel like shit" as he placed his weight on 2 empty chairs and his friends Vic and Cam fall silent and look at him when Katie their flat mate walked in and said "hay dean you look good with a six pack but you need to tell me the story behind that bird" dean was caught off guard by that because he had a huge crush on Katie she was like a live In drug dealer who was a 5"5' redhead with C cup breasts but then the statement sunk In and he looked down and freaked out yelling that really happened while he threw the chairs forward as he jumped back in shock Vic and cam got up to help calm him down and after dean calmed down Vic asked "so what's with the bird dean" dean replied its a phoenix and you wouldn't believe me if I told you hell I don't think I believe it and i was there. After that dean try's his best to tell them what he remembers from the day before and when he finished Vic just said your right I don't believe wouldn't believe you had I not known that monkeys boss is a werewolf and monkey showed up last night in a panic telling me apologizing and telling me to tell you you will never need to deal with him again. And dean just sits back and calls to Katie "hay Katie I need pot for my headache I've got enough for an ounce!" And asked cam to get his volcano ( for those who don't know a volcano is a vaporizer that fills turkey bags with pot vapor it is popular among stoners because it is designed for herbs with a bowl and everything)and so dean Vic cam and Katie just sit right there by the stairs vaping pot in deans volcano and as dean is high the pain recedes and he starts to hear his friends voices over them speaking just to figure out if he is going crazy he says "Vic I'm fine I think cam no i am not throwing my self into drugs to because I can't comprehend what has happened to me and Katie the blue dress is hotter because the red one yells I'm a slut" for 2 minutes every one is silent again till dean said come on every time i try to start a conversation you all go silent" and Katie replied with "i agree but how did you know what I was thinking" Vic and cam both chime in "how did you do that" and dean just got up and took the pot and volcano to the living room and put them on the coffee table and lays back saying must be the bird...
8 comments

Anonymous readerReport 

2016-11-10 02:09:56
very short it would have been better if it was longer and broken down to 3 liner 2 spaces then 3 lines and so on

TheUnKnownGodReport 

2016-02-11 18:09:42
Thank you for the input I will try to fix my grammar and punctuation but it may remain a little spotty till I get a new computer because this and possibly the next chapter are written on my phone

Anonymous readerReport 

2016-01-25 05:48:39
YOUR STORY IS EPIC !!!
Keep up the good work !

Anonymous readerReport 

2016-01-23 03:47:53
First, learn English grammar. Then you will be much better off. You have one huge run-on sentence followed by a sentence fragment followed by the rest of the idea behind that sentence fragment in another huge run-on sentence.

Run-on: "This man sat hovering... the arrow he yells angrily."

Fragment: ""I will be."

Rest of the idea in another huge run-on sentence: "Reborn and one day in..."

Buda KnightReport 

2016-01-22 06:42:43
I'll say this once. Keep going and you will have loyal readers. Your story is fast paced but flows. You have enough detail to make it interesting and engaging, without bogging the story down with unnecessary info. Clean up the grammar a little (reread the post at a slow pace should help) and you'll be golden. Don't worry about length, write in your own way. And ignore the haters, they are only trying to tear you down because they have nothing better to do.

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